Tag Archives: musings

My favorite moment of the day

Every weekday, I climb out of bed at 7:50am. I stumble towards to bathroom, where I wash my face, and brush my teeth and hair. Within the next few minutes, I toss on make-up and clothes, and walk out the door with my husband at 8:20. This is a study in efficiency, because the more minutes I can shave off of my getting ready process = the more minutes I have to snuggle under the blankets. Know what I mean?

We walk down Thorndale towards the El red line stop, swipe our fare cards, and push through the turnstyle. At this point we’re listening carefully for the tell-tale rumble of the trains on the rails above, and if we hear the train approaching it’s time to run up the stairs, taking them two at a time, breathing quickly by the time we reach the wooden platform.

We catch the train in opposite directions, me Southbound towards my job and him Northbound towards school. Usually I can find a seat on the train unless there’s been some kind of funky train delay, so I find a place to sit that doesn’t have any weird-looking splotches or stains, or a piece of gum.

I settle in and snooze during the 20 minute ride, leaning my head on the window if the train isn’t jostling me too much. I frequently have full-fledged dreams, but haven’t once missed my stop because of this little habit–my brain knows to activate when I hear the automated announcer saying in his even voice “Belmont is next. Doors open on the right at Belmont.”

Belmont is a busy station, with three different lines coming through (purple, brown, red), so I jostle my way off the train and down the steps to street level, to the #77 bus stop. I see familiar faces–the short girl with the curly black hair and the snappy eyes, standing next to her very tall husband. The large woman with the baby-blue coat and her Starbucks coffee, doing a crossword puzzle in the paper. The old woman–or man?–with the shag of greasy grey hair held back by a colorful headband, with appliqued flowers on her cane, crumbling nail polish, and bright red lipstick smeared too generously over thin lips, listening to loud heavy metal on a pair of white headphones. We all look to the left, searching the traffic for the telltale orange lights that tell us the bus is coming.

The bus rumbles to a stop; we all get on, swipe our fare cards, find a seat. Fifteen minutes later, I’m walking into my office.

As I swipe my fob on the grey sensor pad and unlock the door, the powerful smell of punch greets my nose–though after a few seconds, I can no longer smell it. By this time, the guys have already been working in the factory area for a couple hours, but I’m usually the only one in the office. My boss travels a lot, and when he does come in, it’s not always first thing. So when I enter the silent space, I breathe a sigh that says “here we go.”

I leave the lights off, choosing to work by the natural light from the windows instead.

 I slip off my shoes. I sit in my chair. I plug in my cellphone and start recharging it. I log in to the computer and pull up my email. The screen glows brightly as I consult my list of things to do, organized on a tangerine colored pad of post-it notes (one per day). If it’s cold, I switch on the foot heater under my desk and wiggle my toes with pleasure when that first blast of warm air hits them.

Then it’s time to take care of business, and deal with whatever is in my inbox. I may write emails to clients, do a check run, process order confirmations in Quickbooks, or make a quick call to touch base with our Logistics Manager, Brian. I may scan a bill of lading, or FedEx an envelope with export papers to Haiti. Or the phone may ring, and I’ll find myself transitioning to Spanish to have a quick conversation with our enthusiastic, fast-talking customer from Guatemala and trying to keep up with him as he opens the call with his traditional “Hooooola, mujer!!”

After I get through all my pending emails and prepare all the documents for the orders shipping out the next day–then it’s time to get out of my chair.

Slowly walk, barefoot, to the kitchen area. Turn on the Keurig. Do 30 squats as it heats up. And I brew that first cup of coffee–Caribou Breakfast Blend, or Green Mountain’s Dark Magic, or maybe the Hazelnut flavor I’m trying out. While the hot liquid splashes into my cup, I do a few vertical pushups against the wall, and feel the blood flowing through my arms. I mix in a little creamer–or virtuously go without, if I’m feeling particularly health-driven (or if we’re simply out of creamer).

I head back to my desk with my hands cupped around the mug, absorbing the comforting heat through my palms, feeling the warmth relax my muscles. A sigh of happiness moves through me, and I sit down again, propping my feet up on the tower of the computer lodged under my desk.

I look out the window at the swirling, abstract, colorful shapes created by the rows of brick glass panes, and my head fills with prayers. Prayers of thanksgiving for my comfortable job, the warm office, my beautiful marriage, a God I can rest in no matter what’s going on in the crazy world.

I lift the cup to my lips . . . and take that first sip.

Adoption and gigging

Good morning, my lovely friends!

So . . . adoption. Foster care.

It’s something that’s on my heart.

No, I’m not ready to adopt at this exact moment. But it’s something that’s mulling around there in my brain and in my soul.

I have a strong empathetic vein running through my heart–I’ve always cried easily when I see the distress of others. When I was growing up, for example, all I had to do was see one picture of an orphan in a Compassion International advertisement and I was brought to tears. As a pre-teen and teenager, I also fell in love with fictional orphans such as Anne of Green Gables, Emily of New Moon, and Jane Eyre, which (odd as it may seem) made me start really desiring to take care of the motherless and fatherless. When I was 15, I determined that I wanted to run an orphanage when I grew up. Then I realized there wasn’t exactly a college degree called “Orphanage Manager,” so I ended up applying for the music program instead.

So even though my dreams of caring for orphans haven’t exactly materialized in my life, recently those thoughts have come back. I’ve been stalking some Chicago adoption websites and reading up on how to become a foster parent. My friend Sarah told me about a program in Austin, Texas that involves local photographers taking portraits of the kids that are up for adoption, so I contacted the organization that runs a similar program in Chicago–I would love to volunteer my lens, if there’s an opportunity. And of course, I’ve been thinking about logistics–how exactly would this all happen? Would we wait until we had children of our own? Would we wait until my husband finished school? Would we wait until I was able to stop working and stay home?

I’m not on the edge of the adoption/foster care diving board, but I’m at least feeling the rungs of the ladder leading to the top, testing out their sturdiness, and pondering the height of the thing, if you’ll allow the metaphor. To climb it? Or not? I want to pray actively about my future, and my role in this world full of kids who don’t have parents or homes, who may be going to bed scared, hungry, or in real danger.

I’m grateful for the empathy that I feel, and I pray that God will never allow callouses to grow over my heart, but I also know that feelings are not enough. What good is empathy unless it takes action? That’s why I’m really excited about an event here in Chicago this coming Saturday called “Together for Adoption.” It takes place from 9 to 2:30, and it’s not too late to register if you’re in town! The event description says: “Join Dr. Russell Moore (author of “Adopted for Life”),  Jason Kovacs (co-founder of Together for Adoption), and a half-dozen presenters for a unique one-day event on regional and global orphan care.  Our hope is that you’ll leave with a deepened sense of God’s adopting love for you, as well as an increased love and desire to care for the orphan and the fatherless.

I wonder about adoption. Is it a case of ‘the need is not the call’ or is that my heart presenting excuses to not do what Jesus commands when he tells us to take care of the orphan and the widow? Is it enough just to give money–or am I called to something more radical? I need the Spirit to shed some light on this. And to give us direction. The thought of foster care and adoption inspires me–and scares me to death. I know there are no guarantees, no easy paths. It can bring great joy, but also strain and stress. I have a lot of thinking to do. A lot of praying.

Anyway! My band, Thornfield, will be playing at the adoption conference during lunch. And once the conference is over, we’re hiking our butts over to CityGrounds where we have a gig. The talented Andrew Jackson, a local singer songwriter (no, not the long-dead ex-president, just to quell any zombie rumors) will be playing the first set at 8pm, followed by our band around 9pm. Come on out! We’d love the encouragement of your presence there! Here’s the facebook event page for y’all’s reference.

So Saturday will be full of music, and (hopefully) hearts open to God’s leading.

What are your thoughts on adoption and care for orphans? Or your experiences? I’d truly love to hear from you.