Tag Archives: family

A morning downtown

My parents were recently here in Chicago for a visit. Since my dad had never seen Millenium Park, we hopped on a bus and trekked on down. I had my camera in tow and happily snapped away at the summer sights. (Note to self: learn to use Photoshop cloning tool to remove finger from bottom righthand side of above picture) We stopped by the big fountain at Millenium Park, where there were legions of enthusiastic children playing in the water. Among them was this adorable little thing who was determined to lie down in the water, but conflicted in her enjoyment of the process. Let’s call her “Little Bunnyface”:

Her baby sister was like “Man, what’s her problem!? This girl is so high maintenance.”

Mom to the rescue . . .

People were cooling down, goofing off, frolicking in the water . . .

The city was beautiful. The sun was shining, the buildings glinting.

We stopped by the street where they were shooting a scene for “Transformers 3” . . . but they never made good on their promise of loud gunfire. And what’s a beautiful summer day in the city without a little gunfire in the mix?

Just kidding. I haven’t heard any gunfire since moving here almost a year ago . . . though I have seen a drug deal. But don’t ask me any questions, because I don’t remember a thing. Just call my mind a complete “blankity blank blank blankerino.” That’s what happens when I see drug deals; it’s like an “eject memory card” command happens in my brain. What’s great about it is that it saves mobsters/gangsters the trouble of having to gun down our apartment door to ascertain the fact that I never saw anything or anyone in any place at any time. You don’t want to inconvenience those mobsters–they have such a busy schedule as it is.

Happy summer everyone. I hope it lasts and lasts.

Baby-making petition: sign it today!

To Erica and Dave: a friendly suggestion a command from heaven

My sister Erica and her fiancé Dave go to the chapel on July 24th. They’ve been engaged since the end of May, so it’s all a flurry of planning that would never have hopes of coalescing into an actual ceremony were it not for this woman:

Mom. All together now, one-two-three: Thank you Mom!!

I’m contributing a lot to the wedding as well. Or rather, I’m contributing some. OK—I’m going to do the slide show. And that’s something, right? An essential component, I would say. Oh, and I went shopping for a bridesmaid dress. For myself. So that’s two ways that I’ve helped. Yep, I’ve always been a team player (Erica, you can thank me later).

Heidi and Mike (as we have already covered) are electing to procreate immediately, which is a wise choice due to their unbelievable cuteness when they themselves were small ones. So I thought I would encourage ye ole soon-to-be-married couple by showing them pictures of their own extreme cuteness in the hopes that they will respond with “Wow we were cute—gosh honey, it really makes you think—you know what, our duty has become clear to me: let’s have a baby! Golly dang whillikers, let’s have 5! Let’s have a whole football team of ‘em!!!!” Because if there’s one thing that I know about Dave, it’s that he needs a football-team-sized posse of children. Dave? Dave? Are you listening? This is the voice of reason speaking. Don’t ask—just reproduce. It’s your moral duty to this good earth that we all share.

Now whether Erica or Dave will actually use the phrase “golly dang whillikers” is currently up for debate, but let’s not stray from the spirit of the thing, which is: I have aunt-hood needs. My collection of nieces and nephews must be ever-expanding. Stack them to the heavens!

I’m starting a petition, and when we reach 10,000 signatures I think we can legally bind Erica and Dave into releasing their progeny into the world with no delays. Who’s with me? Anyone want to sign? Anyone? Hello?

Will you sign if I show you these Very Persuasive Pictures?

Baby Erica

Little Erica

Baby Dave, inna box

Baby Dave, jowls included

Not only do we need to get this petition thing on the road, but I call on the ranks of the extended family to brainwash these two into a baby-induced haze. In fact, forsooth, I call for a secret meeting during the rehearsal dinner to discuss our hypnotizing schemes and subliminal messaging techniques—we’ve got to come up with something brilliant. Because if this doesn’t work … well, we’ll have to revert to Plan B. Which is “peer pressure”. And that means that Heidi and I have to outnumber Erica. Heidi being pregnant already, you put 2 and 2 together …

Please, extended family. Use your persuasive magic! Don’t let Plan A fail! Don’t send me spiraling into baby time just yet! I need a little longer … just a little longer … though they are kinda cute, eh? With their little chubby knees and their doughy/poofy cheeks and their wrinkly little buns? I could name them Pinkity, Dinkity, Cornelius and Scrubbity-Dubbitty. Mmmmmm … (alert, alert: have unwittingly brainwashed/hypnotized self)