Tag Archives: animals

Larry the wandering goat

This is Larry the goat. He lived in captivity at a friendly Alabama zoo. But sometimes he got lonely and busted that joint. He wanted snuggles! And cuddles!

It was Larry’s personal mission to greet each and every one of the visitors to the zoo.

Larry the goat loved humans, until one day someone fed him a leaf.

He took a nibble, thinking it was some kind of wonderful goat-treat. He quickly discovered that he had been fooled, and immediately spit out the dried-up piece of vegetation. “You betrayed my trust!” Larry exclaimed, and realized he should stop being so gullible and simply bite the hand that feeds him. And that is why my sister no longer has a left hand.

Larry had many goat friends.

Paul, the floppy eared dog-goat:

And Myrtle, his snippy sister. She was always on her high horse, except in goat language they say “on her high human.”

And then there was Christa . . .

Christa had always hoped Larry would invite her out on one of his capers. She envisioned afternoons of frolicking down the pathways, sniffing each others hind ends and affectionately butting each other out of the way. She spent a lot of time with a quietly hopeful expression on her goaty face, standing around by the phone. Larry was never good at dialing a girl up since he never could figure out how to press those little buttons with his hooves.

Little did they know that many years into the future Larry would have the opportunity to gain opposable thumbs via some mean genetic engineering, enabling him to dial up all the girl goats on the phone. But that’s another story for another time.

As soon as someone sent up the alarm that Larry was out again, the other goats would all come for a look-see.

They gazed out wistfully, wondering what it would be like to roam free.

Sometimes the fence area got quite crowded with eager onlookers.

They all secretely feared the horned one (Paul the floppy eared dog-goat), who always tried to butt his way forward.

His horns were quite convenient though for some chin-scratching.

Larry loved this girl because she petted him with a stick.

“Hello, lady friend,” he bleated, moving in for a kiss.

The End.

Alligator caught, in case you were worried

*This is a picture of a tiny alligator (or possibly a crocodile–can someone explain the difference?) my sisters and I met in Alabama. This is not the river-roaming monster I’m about to talk about. Picture lifted from my sister Heidi’s facebook account. Thanks Heidi.

Well everyone, first the good news: for those of you concerned about the alligator that was floating up and down the Chicago river around Belmont, he was just caught behind the building where I work. Yep. Apparently “Alligator Bob,” the man in charge of hunting it down, spent all of this morning paddling up and down the river, setting traps and doing his alligator thing. You can watch a little news report on it here:

Now the bad news: I arrived late on the scene and failed to snap a single picture of the exciting capture. I also failed to see or meet Alligator Bob. Instead, I snapped a picture of the boring aftermath, with everything looking as it usually does. Except for that little white van . . . could that be a TV van?

Seriously guys, I think it’s a TV van. And that’s the closest I’ve come yet to being on national television. I could have given them some sweet shots of me swinging my anti-alligator nunchuks, or leaping in the air wielding my crocodile-slaying machete, but no, they never ask, do they.

In case you are doubting my animal-dominating skills, please view the following photograph. Me with a snake which I throttled, then resucitated, then tamed into loving submission.

Please know that I continue to develop my alligator-fighting skills; every Office Manager should have some of those, at least if they want a job in this economy. Oh, you thought my job was just about writing emails, issuing invoices, and answering the phones? No, no, no. It’s all about defense against the wildlife in this Chicago factory. Tooth and claw, man, tooth and claw. Especially since this is not the first but the second alligator that has been roaming the waters near my company in the past couple months.

Oh, you say that it’s about “rescuing” the alligator and not slaying it? Restoring it to its natural habitat? That the alligator was a . . . a helpless victim?? That you’re reporting my blog post to the Bloggers Abusing Wildlife and Threatening to Kill Them Unnecessarily Committee?? Um, well, maybe I’ll put away my nunchuks for the good of defenseless amphibians. All right. Well then. See y’all tomorrow.