Tag Archives: hygiene

Feeling like a King

Once upon a time, I heard from our good friend Alex that drinking beer in the shower makes you feel like a king.

One day the other week I was taking a shower, thinking about food. No surprise there. Hmmm, I was thinking, how could I combine the idea of twice baked potatoes and the idea of crash hot potatoes in an iron skillet to produce layers of magic in my mouth? It’s a question I’ve been pondering for a few months, on and off. As my brain happily perused images of heavy cream, garlic, chives, and indecent amounts of shredded cheese, suddenly, out of the blue, it hit me–

–today was the day to test the beer in the shower thing that I’d been hearing about for years. I don’t know what brought it to mind during this shower as opposed to any other; I can only call it ‘destiny.’ I realized at the same moment that I had a responsibility to my blogging friends to report back on this combination of cleanliness and drink and hot water. Did it really make you feel like a king? Or was Alex just leading me down the primrose path? I was going to get to the bottom of this pronto.

My first thought was contamination. I had visions of my Tres Semme shampoo leaking its way into my beer supply and destroying the whole experience. But don’t worry! It was only after all the chemical processing was over–shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and Noxzema–that I lifted my voice:

“Honey!” I cried out above the noise of the shower, “Could you please bring me a beer?”

“A beer?”

*pregnant pause*

“Yes, a beer!”

It’s a testament to my husband’s faith, goodwill, and general goodness of soul that the beer was promptly delivered, no further questions asked.

He handed over the beer.

I opened the can safely away from the streams of shower water.

I returned to the comforts of the hot water.

Then I took that first, gloriously cool sip.

Analyze your feelings. Be objective, I told myself. People expect cold, hard, reporting from your blog. You can’t let them down.

So here’s the cold, hard truth, and I hope you’re ready for it:

I wouldn’t say I felt exactly like a king.

. . . maybe like an earl. Or a duke. Or maybe even the squire of a duke.

This could be a result of the following:

-I only drank 4 sips. I can never finish a beer anyway.

-Hamm’s is the cheapest beer at $3.29 for a 6-pack

I have had chocolate in the shower once or twice, and I would tend to say that beats out beer–I believe further testing is required though. Note to self: keep candy tray with assortment of chocolates in shower area for analytic experimentation. Track results over the next 10 years, and report back.

And that about wraps it all up. Come back Monday for an in-depth analysis of my experience eating sushi while sky diving, and my other experience having high tea while deep-sea diving. Did I feel like a king, an outlaw, a princess, or a mere scullery wench? The answers are not to be missed!

*Note/disclaimer: don’t drink in the shower. You could get hurt.