Happy Valentine’s Day dear . . . I’m pregnant!

(see yesterdays’ post for part 1)

So there I was, at about 4:30 pm on Monday February 13th, alone in the bathroom with a peed-on, positive pregnancy test in my hand. My heart was racing, my face felt hot and happy. I looked at myself in the mirror. I am looking at a pregnant woman, I said to myself. I have a baby inside me.

The wheels started turning–how was I going to tell my husband?

He was due home at about 6:30 pm, and of course one option would be to run into the hallway screaming as soon as I heard his key in the lock “I’mpregnantI’mpregnantI’mpregnantI’mpregnant!

But there was a small hitch–we had friends coming over at 6:30 as well. I was going to be making dinner, which incidentally I really needed to get a move on. No, I didn’t like this scenario at all. There was no way I was going to let him walk in the door, shout “I’m pregnant!”, run back to the kitchen to make sure the eggs weren’t over-poaching, and then have our friends come in 60 seconds later as the astonishment was still playing all over my husband’s face.

Uh-unh. That wasn’t the way I wanted to make my revelation or have our first precious talk about the joys ahead.

I’ll just wait, I told myself. The next day was Valentine’s Day, and wouldn’t that be a perfect and memorable day to tell him? I knew I could keep it to myself for 24 hours, and I actually started getting excited about having this wonderful secret that no one could guess at–and it would be just mine. For one day.

Anyway. My husband came home. I acted normal. It was kind of fun, actually, modulating my speech to sound like I thought I would under regular circumstances. He noticed nothing, which is incredible since he really can normally detect the smallest change in my behavior or tone of voice. Our friends came over shortly after (Hi Felipe! Hi Rebecca!) and we had that awesome Tomato Kale skillet over rice. We talked, we laughed, we had fabulous madeleines courtesy of Rebecca’s baking skills, and all along I held my secret in my heart like a precious treasure.

The next morning I glowed on my ride to work. I could feel the happiness radiating from my face as the train rocked me back and forth, as the bus made its starts and stops. I’m having a baby. No one knows, no one can tell, but I’m having a baby.

I stopped in at Walgreens to buy another pregnancy test on my way to work, and took it in the little bathroom as soon as I got to the office. Why, you may ask? See, I was afraid that some funky thing with my body may have given a false positive. I’d recently watched a ridiculous (and hilarious) episode of 30 Rock in which Liz Lemon gets false positives on a whole bunch of pregnancy tests because of a whacko ingredient in a bag of Mexican chips she’d been inhaling. And since I had just started juicing in the morning that very Monday, what if all those micronutrients that my body wasn’t used to came out in my urine and tricked the test?

Irrational, yes, but I had questions. I had doubts. Thankfully, the second pregnancy test still showed a line. A little faint for my taste (it was the cheapest test), but obviously there. I was relieved, and let myself feel a little more excited.

Will you laugh at me if I admit that I took yet another test a few days later–just in case?

Anyway, that same day while I was still at work, Tuesday February 14th, I called my insurance company. I asked question after question until I had a firm grasp on my benefit package. What’s included, what the deductible is, what doctors are in-network, if midwifery is covered. Incidentally, the first person I told “I’m pregnant” was the Blue Cross Blue Shield customer service rep. She said “congratulations.” Thanks, customer service rep. I’m sorry I don’t even remember your name.

I read up on the midwife group at Swedish Covenant Hospital and made an appointment with them for March 28th, when I would be at the end of my 12th week. The woman who answered the phone said anywhere between weeks 8 and 12 was normal for a first appointment, so based on that I had no qualms about waiting that long.

I wanted to wait a little longer anyway to get in to a medical professional–that may seem odd–but I figured that if I was going to have a miscarriage (which is more likely to happen in the first trimester) then I would prefer not to go to the doctor beforehand. Because that just makes pregnancy seem more real. And the more real it seemed, I reasoned, the more pain I would feel if I lost the baby. Does that make sense? Anyway, right or wrong, it was simply the way my heart was reasoning.

Valentine’s Day evening, I got home from work. I started dinner. My husband got home from school. We filled each other in about the various events in our days. I was bursting with my news, but the moment wasn’t right yet and I let my husband think that I was just really excited to give him my Valentine’s Day gift. I suggested that we eat dinner in the living room (way more intimate and snuggly) and give each other our Valentine’s Day gifts there. He had written a card I wanted to read nice and slowly, and I had personalized a mug that I bought at Starbucks, which had been hiding in a dresser drawer for a few weeks. That very evening I had filled this very tall mug with a bunch of Ferrero Rocher chocolates, and buried the positive pregnancy stick in the middle.

I brought out the cup. I handed it to him. He read it slowly, turning it around in his hands (it’s a cup with a long list of all the nicknames I have for him, in case you were confused).

My heart was beating hard, and I noticed my hands had started shaking. Am I nervous? This was not what I was expecting to feel.

Then he started rummaging in the chocolates, and pulled out the stick. “What’s this?” he asked, genuinely confused. And then he thought for a moment and looked at me. He was still looking a little perplexed, so I squealed “I’m pregnant!”

Embraces, tears, and an evening of dreaming out loud ensued. I forced him to sit through an out-loud reading of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” weeks 1-6.

Of course, the next step was to decide when to tell people. Some people would have picked up the phone immediately, but we decided not to. I was experiencing no symptoms, no morning sickness yet, nothing, and the “miscarriage” refrain kept singing in my head. So we decided to wait until the risk was more minimal before sharing with our families or anyone else.

Needless to say, that plan didn’t work out so perfectly. Because that very Thursday, two days later, my friend Carrie came over to hang out before Bible study, looked me in the eye and asked in a no-nonsense tone: “Are you pregnant?”

We’ve been pretty open about our cycles, our dreams and our hopes with each other, so this wasn’t an altogether unusual question. I wasn’t planning on telling, but I hesitated a second too long with my answer.

And in that split second, she had my number. I didn’t even have to say anything before she was embracing me and saying “Oh my gosh!!”

So she and Eric were the first to know, and have been faithful friends in prayer about this baby ever since.

Since I have many women in my life who wouldn’t hesitate to ask a direct “Are you pregnant” question, I had to prepare an answer that wouldn’t be a bold-faced lie but also wouldn’t give away something we had decided to keep private for a little longer. Our solution was “well, no news yet,” which yes–I totally had to use on my Mom. Sorry, Mom.

Despite our efforts, the news slipped out to a few more people–some church friends (especially after I almost fainted in front of them), some people in our Bible study, etc.–but I’ve enjoyed the slow and gradual reveal.

So there you have it! As of today, the first trimester is over. I’ve been dreaming about baby James a lot. I had my first appointment one week ago, and there will be so much pregnancy and baby talk on this blog that you can’t possibly be ready.

More soon, and thanks for accompanying me on this journey!! I’m excited to share it with you all.

31 thoughts on “Happy Valentine’s Day dear . . . I’m pregnant!

  1. Joanne

    I LOOOOVVEEE pregnancy and baby talk!!! And I am SOOOO excited for you!!!! I might be jumping up and down. Right now. And will probably continue to do so at random points throughout the day. You are going to be the best mom EVER.

    Reply
  2. queenie

    I’m crying. . . . . ah, may God bless you richly, richly, richly. Thinking of the blessings He promises for the children of those who love Him. . . . .

    SO thrilled for you.

    Love,
    Susan.

    Reply
  3. Kimby

    Jenna, I HAD to wait until today to comment because of your “to be continued…” on yesterday’s post. (I love a good cliff-hanger!) CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! You’re a wonderful mother already, taking good care of yourself (and your little one), making decisions that work for YOU (including taking however many pregnancy tests!) :), and “choosing the path of JOY.” Many, many, many joyful moments to you and your hubby! This is wonderful news! :) :)

    Reply
  4. Pam Hdx

    I loved reading this, Jenna, and am THRILLED for you. Especially since your mom and my pregnancy stories are so intertwined. Back then there was no 10 minute pregnancy test. You had to go to the doctor and then call back in 24 hours to get the results. Seriously. (Or maybe there was a store bought one that took a long time, but it wasn’t known for being accurate.) Well, the day I needed to call the doctor’s office to get a definite answer (I was only 2 weeks along…maybe that’s why a store bought one wouldn’t work), the band went on the road. And I was a nervous wreck waiting to find out! Besides John, your mom and dad were the only others who knew, and your dad was driving the bus and had it planned to take a “potty stop” at the exact time that I needed to make my big call. Like you said…I was trying to act all normal, but there wasn’t one normal feeling cell in my body. So the time came…my brain is telling me it was around 11am, and your dad found a well placed rest area. I made the call, and the gal on the phone said, “Your test came back positive”, and my brain was so scrambled I remember asking, “What does that mean?” And she said, “You’re pregnant.” I’m sure she hung up laughing. Unlike you, I could not contain myself. I was the last to get on the bus, and I stepped on and just yelled to the whole band, “I’M PREGNANT!!” Of course, we were together ALL the time (read as: trapped together in a small bus) and knew each other EXTREMELY well, so it would’ve been very hard to keep a secret like that. But I clearly remember being overwhelmed by what that meant and what was going on inside me…and driving Mike Weist crazy that night as he walked me back to somewhere after the concert telling him how this had taken over my body…lol.

    As for #2, your mom knew before John that I was pregnant with Krista, and I told him in front of your folks when he came to pick me up at your house. I can’t remember why it happened that way, but it’s not surprising.

    BTW, you are the first baby I ever fell in love with. Your mom always craved a baby. But I was a little more cautious and wanted to see how it worked with someone else first. I had serious thoughts that I hope I loved my baby as much as I loved you. (Funny thoughts of someone who hadn’t been there.) ALL that to say…CONGRATULATIONS sweetie!! I could not be happier for you and Adam…because I know the joy that is about to invade your heart. God is so good. Hugs from someone who hugged you a LOT when you were a baby.:-)

    Reply
    1. Jenna Post author

      Oh Pam, hearing your story just made me cry! Especially because you echo some of my feelings–I’m the “cautious” one and have been so glad to see Heidi go through this all first. And those have been my feelings about my little nephew James–he’s the first baby I’ve fallen in love with, and I wonder if I can love my own child as much as I love that little guy.

      Reply
      1. Pam Hdx

        Exactly! So now just take that wonderful love that you feel for James and multiply it by a bluejillion, and that’s what will spill uncontrollably out of you for this little one inside of you. It’s truly hard to describe. But it’s been a complete BLAST watching Lindsy fall so in love with with precious Jude…so now I know that she finally knows just how much I truly love her. Ahhh…:-)

  5. Becky

    Love a good pregnancy story! I also love to hear delivery stories… (trying to imagine if/how you will blog about that one!). Your story telling is so cute and reminds me of some of my favorite friends back in the US. I love how you kept the secret for 24 hours! I am inspired to make the next “reveal” to my hubby (if God would grant us more) a little more spectacular now. So fun, Jenna. I also had a midwife for both of ours and loved it. I still delivered in the hospital but never had to see a doctor because it all went smoothly.

    Reply
    1. Jenna Post author

      I do plan on blogging about it, whatever the experience may end up being! I’m glad to hear you had a great midwife experience–I’m really happy with the group I’m seeing.

      Reply
  6. [email protected]

    Loved reading this, and congratulations! I’m 32 weeks with my first and I remember exactly all the emotions of the beginning. You’ve summed things up so well. I hope you are feeling and that everything continues to go smoothly for you.

    Reply
    1. Jenna Post author

      Wow! 32 weeks! I can’t even imagine that I’ll ever be there . . . even though I know I will. Are you feeling pretty ready for the Big Change?

      Reply
  7. Paloma

    Felicidades!!!!!
    Serás una madre fantástica! Me alegro por los dos mucho.
    Disfruta cada uno de los días, hasta que llegue, con ilusión y emoción. Es una experiencia fabulosa para cualquier mujer…¡y no veas lo que se aprende!: Hasta llegas a comprender a tu propia madre!!!! ja,ja…
    Besos!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  8. Veronica

    I love how you buried the stick in the mug…although, I hope it was the kind that had a “lid” to cover up the peed on part! haha! I’m looking forward to some belly pics. :)

    Reply
    1. Jenna Post author

      Yes! There was most certainly a lid to cover the peed-on part. Plus, to be extra safe, I wrapped it in Kleenex. The same thoughts about contamination were going through my mind, hee hee.

      Reply
  9. Erin

    Jenna, we are SO SO SO thrilled for you and Adam!!! You have such a nurturing spirit about you – this little one is already so blessed to call you two his or her parents. 😀

    ps – I am also seriously impressed with your restraint in way you waited to tell Adam so creatively the happy news. With both of mine, I took the test first thing in the morning when I was a few days late, ran back into the bedroom, leapt on the bed, and woke Josh up with, “GuesswhatguesswhatguesswhatGUESSWHAT?!!?” ha ha ha

    Reply
  10. Suzie

    I like that you had the secret for one day by yourself. You were creative in how you “told” Adam too :) What you feel for baby James is only going to grow stronger once you lay eyes on your little one. Looking forward to future blogs, stories and pictures :) I’m very happy for you.

    Reply
  11. Kate

    You’ll be so happy with the midwives at Swedish Covenant. My friend teaches Bradley childbirth classes there (I’m trained too but not teaching now). It’s so fun to watch someone go through this thrilling time and relive it myself.

    Reply
    1. Jenna Post author

      Sweet! At some point I’ll have to sit down with my husband and discuss what kind of classes we want to take.

      Reply
  12. Tonya

    I already wrote you back on my site, but {SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!} I am SO SO SO SO SO happy for you guys! Now when you comment, no more “some day when I have kids….” IT. IS. HAPPENING. :) Ok, so now you have to go re-read the “Let’s Talk Shop, Mommy Shop” post for all the low-down on natural birth. Ok fine, you have a few months yet, but just wanted to put it out there. I am thankful you are seeing a midwife! I love letting our bodies do what God designed them to do in a natural, relaxed setting!
    Congrats and WOO-HOO! :)
    Hugs from Tonya @ 4 little Fergusons

    Reply
    1. Jenna Post author

      That’s so funny! Almost every pregnant woman that I’ve talked says she took 2-3 tests to confirm and reconfirm. Good to know I’m not the only one! =)

      Reply

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