Hi Sarah and Vessie!

Thank you for showing deep concern about the fact that I have never flossed . . . in my life. Except for, like, twice.

My gums always bleed, and then I start looking either like a vampire or a zombie . . . or a vampire-zombie combo pack (depending on how messy my hair is at the time).

But on my trip to Texas last month, I was convicted by you to commit to a lifetime of flossing.

Plus you pointed out that removing plaque would minimize the bad breath. And let me tell you, the ambiance inside my mouth first thing in the morning is not unlike that of a male powder room . . . in a busy train station. It smells very bad, which my husband is too nice to point out . . . except for that one time that he pointed it out.

Here are the visual records of 1 week of flossing. You’ll just have to trust that I didn’t change my outfit 5 times and simply do a flossing photo shoot. Because I’m an honest girl, really! Plus, my husband (behind the camera) would never participate in some kind of deceitful blog post designed to make you think I had changed my life when I really hadn’t.

Monday

Do you think the bleeding gums issue could not only make me look like a vampire but actually attract vampires that are in the nearby area? I mean, I hope you considered my safety when recommending this new habit.

Though I think for a vampire to show up you have to be wearing a really pretty nightgown, and since I favor the more derelict look these days I may already have my ticket to safety.

Also, just to preemptively take care of this issue–I am not naked in the above picture. My hair and arms just happened to be covering the straps of my camis. I would have put up another shot, but that was the only one we took.

Let’s move on and not discuss it further.

Tuesday

For a few wild minutes I thought I couldn’t get the floss back out from between my teeth. I tugged and tugged, swiveled and twisted the string, briefly thought about crying like a little girl, but then I beefed up and told that piece of string to dislodge itself from my gums OR ELSE.

Oh, and I didn’t bother to set my white balance. Hence the blue and green tone overload.

Wednesday

I stole my husband’s fuzzy blue robe. Yes, I gave it to him as a Christmas present years ago, but the way I see it, we are One, so me wearing it is kind of like him wearing it.

White balance in camera has switched to the red/magenta spectrum.

Thursday

Flossing progress made: bleeding is now almost nonexistent. I’m kind of sad no vampires showed up after all.

Friday

“Wait, honey, I looked really goofy in that picture! Let me try for the fake smile! Snap another!” I cried. However, the results weren’t good enough for me to share.

I realized with a tear in my eye that this was the end of a fantastic, memorable week of flossing. Close friendships had been forged that would forever change the horizons of my dental hygiene. My life would never be the same.

Love,

Jenna

P.S. Um, I forgot to check . . . with this whole flossing things, do I get the weekends off?

P.P.S. ‘Cause I just kind of assumed.